So, I suffer from intense self loathing thoughts due to low self esteem, depression, anxiety—I’ve got PTSD, a mood disorder, the whole nine yards. I frequently tear myself apart with thoughts about how much I suck, how I shouldn’t try to be creative, or try to make friends, because I’m worthless. Sometimes I even tell myself that I shouldn’t exist.
But the fact is this is all bullshit.
Here’s what I’ve started doing: I think of all those depressive, hateful, cruel, self-loathing thoughts as anon hate. Yes. I imagine it as literally someone using the anonymous ask function to tear me down and I imagine myself responding to it with sass and a whole shit-ton of self confidence. If that’s hard to imagine sometimes, I think of someone I admire doing it.
Look at that shit. That is often what my thoughts sound like, and I’m sure many other people experience the same thing. Now look at the response. Doesn’t it feel fucking awesome to just flip off someone who degraded you for no reason? Isn’t it hilarious to think up sassy, fabulous responses to assholes? It’s such a great feeling to realize that your self-loathing thoughts are not any truer than cowardly, unnecessarily cruel anonymous hate.
How would you feel if someone said what you say about yourself to one of your friends? Man, I would fucking take them down. Or at the very least, I would make sure the victim of these awful attacks knows that these things are baseless and stupid.
Depression makes us question our own self worth. It makes us degrade ourselves and worst of all, it makes us believe all the shitty things we tell ourselves are true.
Please recognize that this is part of the disease. It is not your fault.
I hope this helps someone else out there, because it sure as hell as helps me. Please take care of yourselves, everyone. ♥
So, I’ve never reblogged anyone else’s words here before. But there’s something very special about this person, at least to me. This is my friend Yui, and she’s the reason I invented Boggle. I wanted to cheer her up when she was having a really bad day, so I drew her a worried owl, and gave him a name that I thought might make her smile. She is a wonderful person, and I think this is wonderful advice.